


In Your Kingdom

by yjs_exoluv12



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Depressed Sirius Black, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, POV Second Person, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26564719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yjs_exoluv12/pseuds/yjs_exoluv12
Summary: To you, everything is under control and everyone is fine....To you, everything is out of control and you aren’t fine....To you, everything isn’t fine anymore and you’re now under someone else’s control.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45





	In Your Kingdom

**Author's Note:**

> School is awful and I haven’t gotten around to writing at all these past few weeks. This is something I’ve managed to finish after chipping in a few paragraphs every night. Enjoy~

To you, everything is under control and everyone is fine.

If Hogwarts were a kingdom, you wouldn’t be a king. No, that title would obviously go to James Potter, but you would be his mischievous Lieutenant General. You help maintain order amongst the knights while supporting your friend through the thick and thin.

Not everyone was a knight in the kingdom, of course. Oddly enough, you’ve always had an intricate idea of everyone’s social status and their roles in your kingdom.

Remus Lupin would be a legislator, for he was intelligent and aspired to change the rules for the good of the people. In all honesty, you may be a bit biased because he’s your friend, but you believe his benevolent nature will help the kingdom. When he became a prefect, you joked that it was only a matter of time before he became the Minister.

Peter Pettigrew would also be a knight. He was the epitome of a follower—he listened to others’ suggestions most of the time and was like an errand boy for the Marauders. He wasn’t exceptionally talented at anything if you were being completely honest, but he’s there for moral support.

Lily Evans would be the beautiful commoner who accidentally charmed the king. She would be a hardworking woman with a heart of gold, but even she is not completely resistant to James’s charm. Remus refuses to believe you, but every so often, whenever they play a prank on Snivellus, you would catch the corner of Lily’s mouth twitch.

Ah, and poor slimy Snivellus.

You had pondered for years on what his role would be exactly in a traditional medieval setting, and despite giving it some deep thought, you’ve yet to find a perfect role for the git.

_ (Not that he deserved anything phenomenal, but it was merely for your amusement and need for completion). _

In your mind, he’s been put into the placeholder role of a sorcerer.

Sorcerers were often depicted as evil or unnatural in the medieval genre, which was a rather hurtful remark in retrospect. Nevertheless, it captured Snape’s shady interest in the Dark Arts. Sure, you could’ve been funny and made him into a troll to suit his hideous appearance, but he was so much more than just ugly.

He was the embodiment of an underdog. As talented and intelligent as he was (something you hated admitting), he was at the bottom of the food chain at Hogwarts. Sorcerers are depicted as ugly outsiders who thirst for forbidden knowledge and had something others didn’t, which was rather like the malicious viper.

Obviously, as a wizard, you weren’t happy with the inaccurate depiction of your kind, but he fit the stereotype. You’d probably put him down as similar but less offensive to all of wizardkind role later on if you ever find one.

But why would that matter in the end?

After all, you were always going to be above him and everything was going to go your way.

  
  


To you, everything is out of control and you aren’t fine.

In fact, you haven’t truly been fine for a while now. Your entire worldview was shattered the moment you graduated Hogwarts and entered the real world.

Remus was barely scraping by thanks to the wretched Ministry, which frustrated you to no end. It didn’t help that the werewolf was too stubborn to accept even the tiniest bit of charity—which led to a rift in your friendship.

On nights when you return home after a fight with Remus, you’d pour yourself a glass of whiskey and curse the moon for existing.

James and Lily were targeted by You-Know-Who himself, which was absolutely terrifying. They had just had their first child together—a lovely boy named Harry who has his father’s looks and his mother’s stunning emerald eyes—and now they were being stripped of a normal family life because of that evil psychopath.

You absolutely adore Harry and would die for the lad, but when your mind wanders into the worst of yourself, you wonder if James would’ve been better off if he hadn’t married Lily or had Harry.

Peter was hardly in the picture these days, which pains you knowing that you’ve spent seven years together as best friends. But of course, you couldn’t fault him for that—Peter has a lot on his plate as a member of the Order and a Secret Keeper. Not to mention, he had to spend most of his free time at the hospital to be with his family for their last few days on Earth.

You would never tell anyone this because it was rather selfish of you to feel that way, but it stung when you weren’t invited to the funeral to comfort your mourning friend.

Work wasn’t much better either—being a member of the Order meant you were forced to spend countless nights interrogating and protecting various locations. It was only inevitable that the lack of sleep and chronic stress would begin to ravage you from the inside, devouring any plate of happiness or satisfaction that made it to the table of your mind.

Your way of living inevitably became exhausting. In the day, you would transform into an exceptional role model, charming your peers and coddling Harry. At night, however, you could tear off your mask and survive through the sleepless night with whiskey and pills.

_ ‘Being an adult was harder than I thought,’ _ you would think every single day.

Peter’s betrayal only added salt onto the wound.

Despite being innocent, you are now stuck in a rotting jail cell in Azkaban after no trial, surrounded by Dementors and convicted Death Eaters. You aren’t comfortable there, but the feeling of constant dread was familiar to you.

Your sanity continued to deteriorate there, especially as you suffered through withdrawal for the first few weeks.

Some nights, you would lose yourself and talk without a filter—which truly exposed just how fucked up you were on the inside. You felt genuine joy and disgust whenever you envision the most gruesome ways to kill Pettigrew or the most twisted prank you could pull on Snivellus that would push him towards the brink of death.

Then you would eventually pass out from exhaustion, only to jolt awake and have your violent thoughts be invaded by shame and self-loathing. This side of yourself was something you try to blame on your twisted family, but the perks of a life sentence were that you now have a lifetime to reflect.

Cruelty was not completely from life circumstances or family—there’s certainly life circumstances that would negatively influence your actions and some personality traits are passed down from one generation to another, but at some point, you begin to understand the difference between that and your own choices.

Your family is bad, no doubt about that. Pettigrew and Snivellus are also the worst. But does that alone justify what you did back then?

No, you were proud of yourself for standing up for your family. Had you had stayed, you would’ve become a Death Eater and ended up here anyway. Perhaps your only regret pertaining to the Blacks was your baby brother, who was ever the softie. Merlin knows what he’s up to now. Your crazy cousin, Bellatrix, was thrilled to inform you what a terrible Death Eater he was—she may have intended to hurt you by insulting him, but you only felt pity for him.

_ ‘Too young, too naive,’ _ you sadly thought.

As for Pettigrew, there was a load of regret there. How dare that traitorous rat betray everyone after all they’ve done for him? Seven years of being not just roommates, but the best of friends as well—completely and utterly wasted on that wimp.

At one point, you wonder if he may have felt alone in this world, but then you remembered the funeral and the many times you tried to reach out to him. Each time you tried to get closer out of concern, he’d push you away.

You  _ were _ trying to be a good friend, you decided. It wasn’t your fault he chose to betray you because he kept trying to cut you and everyone else out of his life.

As for Snivellus…

He was strong, even if he was an absolute git. Talented and innovative, an extraordinary but lethal combination. Perhaps if he weren’t a slimy snake, he would’ve made an excellent Ravenclaw with his creativity and thirst for knowledge.

Snape kissed the feet of those above him, but those idiots wouldn’t stand a chance if they were against each other as equals. You knew better than anyone else how deadly Snape could be, but unlike everyone else, you also know his weak points and how to push his buttons—and he knew how your emotions fuel your ruthlessness and how far you’ll go to destroy him.

Even to this day, he was ever the stereotypical sorcerer.

To be truthful, you find it hard to regret what you’ve done with him as a whole. He’s a malicious individual who soaks up and spits out poison. It felt powerful putting him in his place, and who's to say it pushed him towards being a Death Eater? 

You thought about it for a while but inevitably came to the conclusion that he would’ve joined anyway. His affinity for dark magic, the crowd he hangs around with, his desire for higher status—these factors weren’t any of your doing.

For sure, he was a Death Eater through and through.

_ (You think. You haven’t heard from him since graduations for obvious reasons.) _

Oddly enough, he wasn’t here in Azkaban. Did he run away or did something happen to him? Could he even run away from everything?

_ (You didn’t actually care about the snake—why would you?—but you were curious about his fate.) _

So everything was wrong. Pettigrew was not an honorable knight anymore. Remus was helpless and couldn’t even be given the chance to prove himself as a legislator. James and Lily, the royal couple, have been murdered. Harry, your beloved prince, was stuck in the Muggle world with his nasty aunt. And you… 

What good are you if your king is dead and you’re stuck in Azkaban for life?

  
  


To you, everything isn’t fine anymore and you’re now under someone else’s control.

A cold wooden tip was pressed firmly against your neck, only a few millimeters away from stabbing through. Despite the circumstances, you weren't afraid of him.

Was it because you’ve finally lost it? Maybe. Or maybe because you were choosing to submit to him by kneeling down on the ground with your hands tied behind your back and shirtless. Or maybe that madness was why you were submitting in the first place.

Meanwhile, the man in front of you was fully clothed and glaring at you with venomous eyes.

“I ought to end your miserable life right here and now.”

“Do it then,” you begged, and you meant it.

The wand pressed further into your neck before being completely withdrawn and tossed aside.

“I should,” was all he said before cupping your face and tracing your lip with his thumb. You unconsciously leaned into his hand, secretly thrilled to feel any sort of warmth since you’ve fled Azkaban.

“I missed you, Severus.”

“Don’t twist this into something romantic.”

You slammed your lips against the professor’s and bit down, earning a hiss from the man. He pushed you away with a pissed look but still kept his hold on your shoulders.

“Eager, aren’t you?” you smirked before leaning in to steal another kiss.

“Hurry the fuck up and drop the foreplay.”

As he undressed, you grabbed the lube and started thoroughly preparing him. His moans brought an unfamiliar wave of dopamine into you, just like the foreign heat from his body pressing up against yours. You couldn’t resist kissing him again, but gently and longer this time.

Neither of you have done this before, but the lacking sex life has worn you two down into restless horny men and you couldn’t stand being physically apart for a second. Still, you didn't want to handle him carelessly. 

“Stop that,” Severus groaned as he lifted himself off your fingers and wrapped his arms around your neck. “I’m not going to break.”

“Forgive me for trying to be nice.”

He gave you a cheeky grin before laying back down on the bed and spreading his thighs with his hands. The fucker had the audacity to tease you like this!

_ ‘Fuck being a Lieutenant General,’  _ you thought as you entered him and indulged in his tight heat.  _ ‘Tonight, I’m a selfish bastard.’ _

  
  


To you, everything was starting to feel a little more familiar and you were beginning to have a bit of control over your life.

Severus slept peacefully by your side, ignorant of your lust-filled gaze. To him, you were merely a plaything who he’d fuck whenever he was in the mood. An outlet for his sexual desires, since he clearly wasn’t getting any witches or wizards with that face.

Despite his awful appearance, he was the only person you could sleep with.

He wouldn’t judge you like Harry or Remus would. Problems like your relapse or your nightmares were never brought up between you two, even if you constantly antagonized him for his own issues.

This wasn’t someone who cared about you, which was why you wanted him so badly. This wasn’t like James and Lily’s fairytale love story—at least Lily would have the compassion to care if James were dead. Severus? He would pour a celebratory glass of champagne at your funeral.

You leaned over to peck him on the forehead before dressing yourself and heading downstairs for a glass of whiskey. Out of the kindness in your heart, you ordered Kreacher to cook up breakfast for the professor.

“For the half-blood!?” the sickly elf shrieked.

“Shut up,” you grunted before bringing your whiskey out to the backyard.

You sat in the gazebo, only occasionally taking a sip, and stared aimlessly at the rotting garden that was left unattended for years like the rest of this wretched house.

What you have with him—it’s unhealthy, it’s wrong and it’s not going to end well. You both knew it, and yet you both pursued it anyways. It’s because neither of you cared about anything but Potter anymore, damn the others who were merely disposable pawns. It included yourselves, as evident by the morning drinking you partake in and the Death Eater mask he keeps.

Your relationship gave you a rare boost of happiness—one that was biological and untainted by this ridiculous war—and that was all you needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t write smut without feeling embarrassed, but I’ll work on it. Maybe some PWP in the future.


End file.
